Snapped at a quiet park in Paris, XXe arrondissement
The poster for the concert of a Czech revival rock band that sang Chinese songs from the 80′s
Prague, June 4, 2009.
Wireless is faithless, and I’ve just gotten myself back on the Wifi network. Mom was here for about 9 days, which was short and long. That was true for both of us. We’re the only surviving members of our nucleus family of three. When Daddy Doll was alive, we had this powerful bond that seemed to exclude the rest of the family, i.e. Mommy.
Triangle relationships are very fascinating. My life seems to be full of these: Mommy, Daddy and I; me and my twin male cousins whom I loved and hated by turn, and with whom I formed and broke pacts; me and my “wife” back in boarding school, and the “daughter” we adopted (and sometimes tried to get rid of), and the resulting threesome “wedding portrait” at the local photographer’s. It is still the oddest piece of souvenir from my pubescent years.
When I was a kid, adults seemed to have the tact of bombarding kids with the “innocent” question of “who do you prefer the best – mommy or daddy?” By the way, my mom was a part of a sisterhood of three, and to add to the confusion, my cousins and I called all three sisters “mommy” and all their husbands “daddy” (don’t ask me why, I think it was linked to some Communist ideal of sort, and I still have three moms, but only one dad left from the original Communist days, having lost one to divorce and one to death). So the questions could also turn to, “Which mommy and which daddy do you prefer the best?”
My cousins were stupid enough to give the honest truth, including their rankings, and got subsequent punishment from invisible forces. I always told everybody, “I love mommy and daddy the same!” And the adults would nod their heads in approval, “What a smart kid!”
In fact, this was the watchword of mommy, “Share your toys! Love everyone the same!” Until this day, I cannot bring myself to say that I feel closer to cousin #1 than to cousin #2, or vice versa (I’m careful to add), for fear of being punished for my unfaithfulness and partiality. As a matter of fact, I am so out of touch with my feelings in this arena that I cannot answer to that question if my life depended on it.
Most people think that my concept of faithfulness is more than a little bit skewed. There are days that I don’t want to share my toys. And sometimes I really love one person more than anyone else. But I usually immediately tell myself that this is selfish thinking, and that I have to elevate myself to the status of a selfless saint, at any rate enlarge the couple to a triangle. In the end, there’s really no striving necessary in the formation of couples or triangles, or in the acquiring and giving up of toys. What is yours will be yours. What is meant to be will be. The dynamic is never static, ever-changing, as you are struggling in the very act of defining. This is like the flow of Yin and Yang, and the subsequent creation of all things from this generative force; or Brahma, Vishnu, and Siva – the Hindu trio of the creator, the preserver and the destroyer; or the Christian trinity – the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost…. All ancient wisdom seemed to have understood this principal of three and the ceaseless movement that is a part of our life in this universe.
In my case, it has been one long stupendous suspension of judgment facing the delicate threads of human tissue being constantly weaved and re-weaved, exactly like how as a child, I could watch in wonder for hours at ends my Chinese silkworms spin out their own miraculous universe.
Oh yeah, in case you still wonder, I’ve always loved both Mommy and Daddy the same, only differently.
© Post-Modern China Doll
p.s. I’ve got questions about private posts. I have cleared some of them out from MySpace and all diary is in Livejournal now, and everything there is private. I think the blogging function of MySpace sucks ass. Have tried WordPress and am thinking of integrating either Mambo or WordPress into my website. Does anybody have any suggestions?
|Currently reading :
Curves to the Apple: The Reproduction of Profiles, Lawn of Excluded Middle, Reluctant Gravities
By Rosmarie Waldrop
Release date: 15 September, 2006
Hi is there anyone out there? One chance to tell me about your childhood, and nobody is participating? If I don’t know anything about your childhood say, a week from now, I will ignore you on MySpace because a person without a past is usually a criminal in disguise, in my opinion. OK, at least you can comment on why you don’t feel like participating???
I replied to Sa’s childhood survey in the bulletin boards. I usually don’t participate in these things and only read them sporadically, but there’s something about our childhoods that haunts us in unfathomable ways.
(I’d be interested to read other responses to this…repost if you’re up to it).
Mark the things that you have:
[ ]A younger brother
[ ]A younger sister
[ ]An older brother
[ ]An older sister
1. Are you a child of the 70s, 80s, or 90s?
2. Where were you born?
Shanghai, in the heart of the French Concession
4. Did you enjoy your childhood?
5. When you were a kid, what did you want to be?
6. What do you want to be now?
7. Were you a fun little kid?
I hope. Although I was all headache to my mom. She claims that I’ve reduced her longevity by 10 years.
8. What was your first best friend’s name?
Probably my cousin that you can see next to my crib in my pics section. His name: Oni. Then a series of girlfriends.
9. Are they still your friends?
Yes, it just gets deeper and more fascinating. I try to see them every year when I go to China.
10. Can you name all the schools you ever attended?
Wuyi (boarding kindergarden, Beijing)
Yuquan primary (Beijing)
12th middle school (boarding school, Beijing)
Princes Hill Secondary College (Melbourne, Australia)
New Brunswick Language Center (Melbourne, Australia)
Back to Princes Hill
Desoto High School (Dallas, TX)
Cy-Fair High School (Houston, TX)
Rice University (Houston, TX)
Sorbonne (Paris, France)
Sorbonne Nouvelle (Paris, France)
Paris VIII (Paris, France)
Ecole nationale supérieure Louis Lumière (suburb of Paris)
I’m so done with schooling, really!
11. Were you closer to your mom or dad as a kid?
My dad. We were made the same. We owe so much to each other. Now I feel that he lives through me.
12. what was your first CD or record?
I listened to classical music in my mom’s womb.
13. How old is a good age to have kids?
Sa’s response: when you’re settled and no longer selfish.
Mine: some hormonal act of craziness that may strike me at any moment. For the moment, I’m on very long-term birth control (protected until the middle of 2009, I’d better check the exact date!!!)
14. Are you scared of anything?
Being misunderstood or not understood.
Not giving my best.
15. What was your favorite class in elementary school?
Chinese, maths, science and geography. I was last in my class until suddenly, I became the first, and things have stayed that way, until my interests shifted again.
16. Did you buy school lunch or bring your own?
We had canteens and the food was quite good.
17. Broken any bones or had any freaky accidents as a kid?
Many times. Broke my jaw open and had to have it stitched back together. Couldn’t eat for a whole month. Still have the scar to show for. I probably have left more scars on other kids though, as I enjoyed picking fights with others.
Another time, I was standing on the streets in my neighborhood in Beijing, minding my own business, and this guy rode his bike past my foot and didn’t notice a thing. I was so shocked and speechless that I only felt the pain minutes later. People are so wrapped in their little problems they have no awareness and sensitivities these days.
18. Were you a mean kid?
Yes, I was a bully and prone to random acts of cruelty. That stopped when I turned 14.
19. Favorite board game of all time?
20. Did you play house or pretend to be a super hero?
I played with Lego and dirt and had ant kingdoms. I also pretended to be Alexander the Great. Does that count as a super hero?
21.Seriously, are you still a kid at heart?
I refuse to grow up. I leave that up to the adults.
Now repost with the name “Childhood Survey” and see what your friends’ answers are to these same questions
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, “What does love mean?” The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.
See what you think:
“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.”
Rebecca- age 8
When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.”
Billy – age 4
“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.”
Karl – age 5
“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.”
Chrissy -age 6
“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.”
Terri – age 4
“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.”
Danny – age 7
“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.”
Emily – age 8
“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.”
Bobby – age 7 (Wow!)
“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.”
Nikka – age 6
“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.”
Noelle – age 7
“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.”
Tommy – age 6
“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared
Cindy – age 8
“My mommy loves me more than anybody . You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.”
Clare – age 6
“Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.”
“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.”
Chris – age 7
“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.”
Mary Ann – age 4
“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.”
Lauren – age 4
“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.”
Karen – age 7
“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.”
Mark – age 6
“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.”
Jessica – age 8
And the final one — Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.
The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, “Nothing, I just helped him cry.”