Category Archives: Love

My Life According to Muse

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I was instructed to use only song titles from ONE ARTIST/BAND/COMPOSER and answer
the following questions and pass it on to people. Somehow, in my usual haste and carelessness, I had read “use lyrics from one song” and answered accordingly (I know I have difficulty following instructions, sigh). I still like the answers – the song is Falling Away with You from the album Absolution:

Pick your Artist:
MUSE

Are you a male or female:
MAYBE I JUST MISUNDERSTOOD…

Describe yourself:
STAYING AWAKE TO CHASE A DREAM

How do you feel:
I THINK OUR LIVES HAVE JUST BEGUN

Describe where you currently live?
MEMORIES I WILL NEVER FIND

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
ALL OF THE LOVE WE LEFT BEHIND

Your favorite form of transportation:
THE AIR YOUR ARE BREATHING IN

Your best friend is:
IN SPITE OF WHATEVER YOU BECOME

You and your best friends are:
WATCHING OUR FLASHBACKS INTERTWINE

What’s the weather like:
TASTING THE AIR

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
I HOPE I WON’T FORGET A THING

What is life to you:
NOTHING WILL EVER STAY THE SAME

Your relationship:
MOMENTS OF HAPPINESS IN BLOOM

What is the best advice you have to give:
FORGET THAT RECKLESS THING TURNED ON

Thought for the Day:
I CAN’T REMEMBER

How I would like to die:
FALLING AWAY WITH YOU

My soul’s present condition:
CRUMBLING AWAY

My motto:
MAKING THE SAME MISTAKES AGAIN

The tale of Psyche and Eros

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http://www.pitt.edu/~dash/cupid.html

Having lost love, relatedness, and creativity, Psyche (the soul) is in despair. Its mission now is to rely on perception, cleverness, courage, and determination  to fulfill the four tasks (assigned by Venus), each accomplished by some split-off part of the soul’s nature. This is how we survive when eros is lost to us. Without love, we are clever, calculating, cold, and distant. Without the soul, Eros is meaningless sensual energy. But we survive…

The heart is the culprit!

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I just returned from the cardiologist. Apparently, one of my valves has trouble opening completely. Nothing serious, but is this why I often leap to that space between two heartbeats and linger there? It’s how I choose to suspend time, distill the moment, condense the infinity of the present. One day, it will be within that space that I cross to the other side, that eternity between two familiar heartbeats.

When I lied silent on the table, the doctor said to me, “don’t move.” I still tilted my head to watch the tiny machine output my cardiogram, so intrigued was I by its ability to captures the heart’s most minute movements, in curves and hieroglyphs – the secret codes of my heart’s crimes.

cardiogramme.JPG

The 29th is my 4th wedding anniversary. We went to a tiny restaurant along the canal for dinner. The cold war was declared over, all grievances forgotten. It was very romantic, maybe the most romantic ever. I’m never sure if we are lovers desperately trying to be best friends or best friends desperately trying to be lovers, maybe all of those things and everything in between. 8 years is a long time to be together and unsure. Now we are friends again.

The heart has its own reasons that the reason cannot comprehend…

Currently re-reading :


Symposium
By Plato

 

 

The New Morning

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Spirits call upon the living, the verticality of love leaves one breathless, heart soaring to a still. Happiness is a gifted smile, accepted and returned freely. Rite of spring washes everything anew, eases the strains of last year’s sorrows. Spring morning, rainfall, hips beating down the hard of the soil, moistened by the sowing season, fertile soil, everything obeying to nature’s rhythmic calls.

Another seemingly banal morning, birds gathering, farmers rising, you and I frolicking, Columbus preparing to sail off to the wrong shore…

© 2008 Post-Modern China Doll

Currently re-reading :
The Golden Days (The Story of the Stone, or The Dream of the Red Chamber, Volume 1)
By Cao Xueqin
Release date: 30 March, 1974

What happens to a dream that never came true?

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What happens to a dream that never came true,
A dream that we cherished so?

Do we purge it out of our system,
flush it out of our mind,
exorcize it out of our body,
expunge it from our soul?

Perhaps it would have been the wise thing to do,
The only thing to do.
That’s what all the wisemen say,
in all the wisemen’s books.

They say cherished dreams are fungible -
If you’ve loved once you can love again.

Choose an easier quarry, a less wary prey!
Paint on a fresh canvas, place the finger on a new word…

But a finger can no more pin down thoughts
than an arrow elusive hearts,
and the dream finds its way back,
circuitously -
that ghost-lover the mind said goodbye to.

Currently listening :
Here Is Phineas
By Phineas Newborn
Release date: 24 September, 2007

Meditation #1: Love is

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Love is that state of being before and beyond all conceptualizations.  The minute you ask how much that person makes, or if he or she is married, you have already moved out of that state. Love has become a concept.

In that sense, it is very much like a religious illumination – direct, pure, and  irrevocably joyful. You know it has always been that strange and familiar part of you; it’s a recognition of home in yourself.

Different schools of Buddhism disagree on how we achieve illumination, just as none of us can agree on what love is. Some think of it as a winding path of constant positive effort: doing good deeds, reciting the scriptures, chanting mantras, and inch by inch approach illumination by devotion. In Chinese, it’s called漸悟, or gradual illumination. Others contend that illumination comes at us at the most unsuspected moment, when a receptive mind is suddenly triggered by mind maps whose dots we are unable to connect by common sense. This is called sudden illumination, or 頓悟.

This is love at first sight.

How do you know if you’ve reached illumination, or experienced true love?

Or do you start to see the futility of your questions?

Currently reading :
The Complete Book of Shaolin: Comprehensive Program for Physical, Emotional, Mental and Spiritual Development
By Wong Kiew Kit
Release date: 01 May, 2002

Super Brains

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Today as I was walking back from my driving class (yes, I let my licence expire and am getting a French licence this summer), I thought about what would happen when the chemistry of love provokes, even momentarily, two super brains to fuse into one and work towards a common end.

I don’t even dare to think of it. The thought makes me shudder with joy and terror. Perhaps only death could follow…

Ok, back to the 3-dimensional world. Sorry if I scared you all – I kind of scared myself.

Fool’s Checkmate

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I have been checkmated. That was awfully heartless of you.

Motionless. Speechless. Expressionless. Tearless. In my out-of-character ungracefulness, I refused to admit to my defeat.

Yes theoretically, there’s no turning back, but the steaming beast in me wanted to violently flip the board over, permanently rewrite the rules of the game, and gently and harmlessly perform an ice-pick lobotomy on your frontal lobe.

Or, I guess I could just as well playfully cover your eyes, and then steal that piece of evidence working against me.

(rapid heartbeats!)

But which piece should I steal? How many steps would I have to go back? Back to BEFORE that fateful moment when our eyes met as recognitions of irresolvable past-life entanglements haunted and drew us back? Back to that past-life entanglement that we left unresolved, because we resigned to the fact that it was irresolvable? Or back to BEFORE the first time that I remember shoving you away?

The points in time where heart conundrums and love debts definitively begin and definitely end have always been points of befuddlement for me…

After a while I said as casually as I could why don’t we suspend judgment a bit longer, pretend that there are possibilities that we don’t yet recognize, other dimensions perhaps — after all, are our understandings not limited by the physical realms of our perceptions, by the here and now?

Currently watching :
Women in Love
Release date: 04 March, 2003

Ken Russel is my new fetish filmmaker! I think I’ll re-plunge into D.H. Lawrence this August.

*enraptured*

**Also check out this electronic magazine on neuroscience called Brain & Mind. Fascinating stuff!

Loss of words

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Mutual loss of words compounds on misconstrued intentions, and I am left impenatrable as stone. I am willing to take all the blame, make amends, open my flesh, but sometimes even open wounds cannot turn the clock back on monumental failures, nor make two parallel paths converge.

What used to be irrepressible joy and drunken feverishness have now become distances and gulfs that no goodwill seems to be able to bridge. You half-heartedly mentioned the word love, but stubborn with the idea that my love was purer in its intensity, I turned my back and wished you good luck moving on. And I knew you would…

© Post-Modern China Doll

Currently watching :
The Wild Child
Release date: 24 July, 2001

I tilt for you

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On the edge of perceptibility,
Subcutaneous tickles -
I exchange my brightest hair ribbon for a soft kiss,
I tilt recklessly for you.

Each day I get a mili-inch closer,
No need to push further -
Both you and I know,
I tilt at a dizzying angle.

We sit next to the kitchen table,
As I watch you chop the water spinach -
At the rim of sharpness,
I tilt to cut through…

© Post-Modern China Doll

Currently reading :
Chimpanzee Politics: Power and Sex among Apes
By Frans de Waal
Release date: By 10 April, 2000

If we could do it all over again

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If we could do it all over again (and how I wish we could!),
I’d try to love you less.

Yes, love you less but like you more;
Calculate less but understand more;
Be tongue-tied less but care for you more;
Cry less but paint my eyelashes more.

Eternal promise of sunshine, rainbow, and lollipops….

© Post-Modern China Doll

Currently listening :
Silicone
By Bang Bang
Release date: 16 March, 2004